First Time Dad Anxiety: Why I Couldn’t Stop Checking If My Son Was Breathing

Quick Summary:

First-time dad anxiety is real, overwhelming, and totally normal. Here’s one father’s raw truth about newborn anxiety, sleepless nights, and learning to trust himself.

That First Night: No Sleep, No Beer, Just Panic

Screaming, blood, and sweat. Haste, pushing, and hands that shook.

Fear, stitches, and a name we just met. That’s how it begins. For all of us.

Whether you’re ready or not, life drags you into the room, hands you a screaming stranger, and gives you a title you’ve barely rehearsed:

Dad.

My son was born at 35 weeks, on a rainy Sunday. It was 4:42 p.m.

I don’t remember the colour of the walls. Or the nurses’ faces.

But I remember my heart trying to escape my chest. And my hands? Sweating like I’d run a marathon I never trained for.

I hate hospitals. Mainly because they don’t sell even a single can of beer.

During the night, while my wife slept, finally, deeply (she deeply deserved it), I stayed up. Every thirty minutes. Walking to that little crib glowing blue.

Jaundice, they said. He needs light, they also said.

But I couldn’t see anything except the fear sitting on my chest.

I kept putting my finger under his nose just to feel a breath. Just to prove he was still here, and maybe so was I.

New Dad Anxiety Hits Different

Honestly? I was scared of everything.

Scared of doing something wrong. Scared of missing something important.

Scared of the way my son cried, because I couldn’t tell if it meant hungry or hurting.

I didn’t know how to hold a baby properly, let alone comfort one.

The internet didn’t help. It piled on acronyms and worst-case scenarios. I didn’t need statistics. I needed sleep, and someone to tell me I wasn’t the only one afraid.

Is This Normal? Yes, and It Has a Name

I had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t know then that what I was feeling was something thousands of dads go through.

Turns out, that kind of fear has a name.

In the UK, the PANDAS Foundation reports that up to 1 in 10 dads experience anxiety or depression during the perinatal period.

Here in Canada, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) shares a similar stat: 

1 in 10 new fathers experience postpartum depression.

That hit home. Suddenly, what I felt in that hospital room wasn’t just weird. It was real. It was valid. It was something called new dad depression.

You’re Not Alone in This

If you’re feeling any of this, the panic, the constant sense of not measuring up, you’re not alone.

Sometimes, just knowing that changes everything.

That weight you’re carrying? That’s the cost of caring.

And here’s the truth:

Asking, “Am I okay?” might be the strongest thing you do as a dad.

How to Handle First Time Dad Anxiety (From a Guy Who’s Been There)

Ask everything

No question is dumb when you’re learning to keep a human alive.

Say the Scary Stuff Out Loud

Fear shrinks when it hits the air. Tell your partner. Tell a friend. Just don’t bottle it.

Breathe Like You Mean It

In through the nose for four. Out through the mouth for six.

It sounds simple. It is. But it works.

Feeling Unsure ≠ Being Unfit

Doubt is part of the job. It means you care. And that’s what qualifies you.

Trade “I Got This” for “Let’s Figure This Out”

You don’t have to be the expert. You just have to show up, ask, and try again.

Safe Sleep for Infants: What Every New Dad Needs to Know

One of the things that kept me checking his breath all night? SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). Here’s what I wish I’d known, following official guidance from the Public Health Agency of Canada and the Canadian Pediatric Society:

Back is Best. Always.

Put your baby to sleep on their back — every nap, every night. It’s the #1 rule for safe sleep for infants.

Firm + Flat = Safe

Use a crib, cradle, or bassinet that meets Canadian safety standards.

Firm mattress. Tight-fitting sheet. That’s it.

Keep It Empty

No pillows. No blankets. No stuffies. No bumper pads. A bare crib is a safe crib.

Same Room, Separate Bed

Share the room, not the mattress.

Your baby should sleep near you, but in their own safe space, for at least the first 6 months.

Cool is Safe

Dress your baby in light sleepwear. Keep the room comfortably cool.

Zero Smoke. Period.

Before birth and after. Inside or out. No smoking near the baby. Ever.

TL;DR:

• First-time dad anxiety involves relentless worry, sleepless nights, and constant fear for your baby’s safety.
• Recognize that this anxiety is common, affecting 1 in 10 new dads, and is known as postpartum anxiety or depression.
• Following clear infant safe sleep guidelines can significantly reduce SIDS risk and ease parental anxiety:
  
  • Always place the baby on their back.
  • Ensure the crib is bare, firm, and separate from your bed.
  • Keep the room temperature cool and smoke-free.
• Talking openly about fears, breathing exercises, and admitting uncertainty transforms stress into manageable steps toward confidence.

In short: Taking precautions for your baby’s safety can be the best remedy for your anxiety.

Are You a Dad in Panic?

Still thinking about that first night? If it felt anything like mine, tell me about it. Leave a comment or join the newsletter for real dad stories, science, and strategies that won’t make you roll your eyes.

References

PANDAS Foundation (UK)

CAMH: Postpartum Depression in Men

Canada.ca – Postpartum Health and Wellness

Public Health Agency of Canada

Canadian Pediatric Society